How to fix a marriage
You used to be close. Now you’re roommates, or worse, enemies under one roof. Maybe you’re the one who wants to fix it and you don’t know if they do. If you are searching this, you haven’t given up. That matters.
A marriage starts healing when at least one person decides to fight for it: by owning their own part first, turning back toward their spouse in small daily ways, learning to talk without attacking, and inviting God and wise help into the marriage. God designed marriage as a covenant, not a contract (Malachi 2:14), and He is a God who restores what looked dead (Joel 2:25).
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Hosea went and got his wife back
God told the prophet Hosea to love his wife Gomer even after she left him for other men. When she ended up broken and for sale, Hosea went and bought her back, and told her she would be his (Hosea 3:1–3). God did this as a living picture of His love for His people, who kept walking away. It is the kind of love that rebuilds what seemed beyond repair.
Where to start this week
1. Own your part. Before you list their faults, ask God to show you yours, and say sorry for something specific (Matthew 7:3–5).
2. Turn toward each other. Small moments matter more than big gestures: a real hello, a hug, ten minutes of undistracted talk each day.
3. Fight fair. No name-calling, no “you always.” Say “I feel ___ when ___.” Take a break when it gets heated and come back.
4. Pray for your spouse, not just about them. Ask God to bless them. It changes your heart toward them.
5. Get help early. A pastor or Christian counselor isn’t a last resort; it’s maintenance for something precious.
When it isn’t safe
If there is abuse, your safety and your children’s safety come first. God does not call you to stay in danger. Get to safety and get help; in the U.S., the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
What the Bible says
- 01
Patient and humble.
“with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, and with diligence to preserve the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
Ephesians 4:2–3 - 02
Love that gives itself.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her”
Ephesians 5:25 - 03
What love does.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no account of wrongs. Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
1 Corinthians 13:4–7 - 04
Forgiving and binding together.
“Bear with one another and forgive any complaint you may have against someone else. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which is the bond of perfect unity.”
Colossians 3:13–14 - 05
A cord of three strands.
“And though one may be overpowered, two can resist. Moreover, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
Ecclesiastes 4:12 - 06
God restores.
“I will repay you for the years eaten by locusts— the swarming locust, the young locust, the destroying locust, and the devouring locust — My great army that I sent against you.”
Joel 2:25
Scripture from the Berean Standard Bible.
Today, tell your spouse one specific thing you are sorry for, with no “but” after it. Then pray for them by name tonight.
Common questions
Can a marriage be fixed if only one person is trying?
One person changing changes the whole relationship. It’s not guaranteed, but many marriages have turned when one spouse started loving differently.
What does the Bible say about divorce?
God hates the pain of divorce (Malachi 2:16) and calls marriage a lifelong covenant. Scripture allows divorce in cases of adultery (Matthew 19:9) and abandonment (1 Corinthians 7:15), and God never asks anyone to stay in danger.
Is it too late?
As long as you are both alive, God can work. Get help now.
Bring your real question.
Talk is a place on Become to ask anything, in your own words and your own language, any hour. No question is too honest.