Should women be submissive to their boyfriend?
Maybe a boyfriend told you a “godly woman” should submit to him. Maybe you’re trying to figure out what a Christian relationship is supposed to look like. It matters to get this right, because the word gets misused a lot.
No. The Bible’s call for a wife to submit is given to a wife and her husband, inside the covenant of marriage, not to a girlfriend and her boyfriend. And it never stands alone: in the same passage, husbands are commanded to love their wives “just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Biblical marriage is a husband who lays down his life and a wife who honors his leadership, both under Christ. That design is a gift to both of them. Dating is the road toward that covenant, so the goal of dating is to find the person you will marry, and to honor each other on the way.
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Boaz honored Ruth before he married her
Ruth was a widow and a foreigner, with every reason to be taken advantage of. Boaz noticed her character, protected her while she worked in his fields, and when she came to him one night asking him to be her redeemer, he guarded her reputation and sent her home safely. Then he went through the proper, public way to marry her (Ruth 2:8–9; 3:10–14; 4:9–10). That is what a man ready for marriage looks like: he protects and honors a woman first, and makes it official.
What the Bible actually says about submission
Ephesians 5 begins with “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (5:21). Then it speaks to wives: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (5:22). Then, at even greater length, to husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (5:25).
Christ’s love for the church is not control. It is service, sacrifice and protection, even to death. A husband is called to lead the way Jesus leads: by laying himself down first.
Why this design is good for both
A wife who honors her husband’s leadership gives him strength and confidence to lead well. A husband who loves her like Christ gives her safety, honor and a partner who puts her good before his own. Each one’s calling protects the other. Neither is above the other in worth; both are heirs together of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7).
What this means while you’re dating
Your boyfriend has not made a covenant with you before God, so he has not been given a husband’s authority. Dating is the season to see whether he is a man who loves like Christ: does he serve, protect, respect your boundaries, and lead you closer to God? If he demands submission now without any of that, that is a warning, not a sign of spiritual maturity.
Date with marriage in view. Honor each other, keep your boundaries, and let the relationship move toward a covenant, not around one.
What the Bible says
- 01
Submission and sacrificial love, together.
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her”
Ephesians 5:21–25 - 02
Heirs together.
“Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as a delicate vessel, and with honor as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”
1 Peter 3:7 - 03
Love and do not be harsh.
“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
Colossians 3:18–19 - 04
The covenant comes first.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
Genesis 2:24 - 05
Love doesn’t demand its own way.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no account of wrongs.”
1 Corinthians 13:4–5 - 06
A wife of noble character.
“A wife of noble character, who can find? She is far more precious than rubies. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he lacks nothing of value. She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life.”
Proverbs 31:10–12
Scripture from the Berean Standard Bible.
Ask yourself one honest question about your relationship: is he leading me closer to God, the way Christ loves the church? Then talk with him about where the relationship is going.
Common questions
What does submission mean in marriage?
It means a wife freely honoring and following her husband’s leadership as part of following Christ. It never means obeying a command to sin, accepting abuse, or losing her voice.
Does a husband have to earn submission?
Each is responsible for their own calling before God. But a husband who loves his wife the way Christ loves the church makes her calling a joy, not a burden.
What if my boyfriend is controlling?
Control is not biblical leadership. If he isolates you, demands to control your money, phone or friends, or makes you afraid, talk to someone you trust. In the U.S., the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
Bring your real question.
Talk is a place on Become to ask anything, in your own words and your own language, any hour. No question is too honest.